I'm a single dad because my wife died - it's tough but I love it

I'm the one who takes him to school, prepares his meals, plays games with him, and tucks him in at night.

What my son Max doesn't know is that I also maintain a full-time career as a freelance writer, squeezing in most of my work while he's at school or asleep. It's challenging, but I cherish the fact that my son believes I'm always there just for him.

My wife Samantha tragically passed away from a heart defect in 2005, merely seven months after Max was born. I decided to leave my high-profile job to ensure stability in his life.

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We were the epitome of a happy family. I had a respectable position as a general manager of an import business, and Sam had left her promising career as a mortgage adviser to devote herself to our son.

Sam was born with a heart defect, but it was never considered to be life-threatening, reports the Express.

In August 2005, we took a joyous family vacation to Somerset. Our days were filled with farm visits and buying Max his first mini wetsuit for seaside fun. One night, Sam woke me up, complaining of chest pains. I dialed for an ambulance, assuming it was a minor issue we'd laugh about later.

But as I was on the phone, she lost consciousness, and the gravity of the situation hit me. She suffered heart failure in the ambulance and passed away at just 30 years old.

Just the day before, she had been happily blowing bubbles for Max. How could she be gone?

Seeing her lifeless in the hospital bed, I struggled to accept our reality.

Max, oblivious to the tragedy, slept peacefully in his car seat. The weight of our loss and the uncertainty of our future overwhelmed me. Could I handle this alone?

The pain of returning to our home was too much, so Max and I moved in with my parents. I had cared for Max alone before, but the constant demands of single parenthood were more than I had anticipated.

Making decisions became a challenge since Sam and I would have always discussed everything. On my own, I found myself over-analyzing every decision.

However, there were some silver linings, like witnessing Max's growth. For the first seven months of his life, I worked from 8am till 6pm. After Sam's passing, I quickly realized that I needed to be with Max and, much to my family's surprise, I quit my job. I knew what we needed was each other so I traded budgets and boardrooms for bottles and park walks.

Thankfully, I had enough savings to do this. Being a stay-at-home dad allowed me to experience all of Max's milestones firsthand, but they were bittersweet.

Just before Sam passed away, she saw Max stand for the first time and was thrilled. When I saw him take his first steps, I was overjoyed but immediately thought about how much Sam would have loved to see this.

The joy of watching him achieve something new was always followed by the sadness that Sam wasn't there to witness it. I started attending mother and baby groups and was the only man there.

Still overwhelmed by grief, I found it hard to converse with anyone. Kids tend to speak their minds and it didn't take them long to start asking Max where his mom was.

Explaining that his mother is no longer alive wasn't easy at any point and is still something I struggle to say out loud now. However, fabricating a story isn't an option either so I just tell the truth.

It took a few years for Max to start asking about his mom but even then, it was difficult.

Before he could even speak, I would constantly remind him that his mother was a part of his heart and mind. Pictures of Sam are scattered throughout our home.

Whenever Max inquired about her, I'd tell him to simply close his eyes or ask anyone who knew her what she was like. He would then visualize her and understand the significant role she played in giving him a great start in life.

However, there have been challenging moments. One day at nursery, we walked into the room just as the leader announced they were making Mother's Day cards.

The room fell silent as Max toddled towards the table. I reassured him that he could still make a card for his mom, even though she wasn't physically present.

While my grief was immediate, I believe Max's has been delayed. As he grows older, he comprehends more deeply the magnitude of his loss.

When he's hurt or feeling down, he expresses his wish for his mom to be here to comfort him, which is hard to hear. Max does have many female influences in his life, from family members to teachers.

In 2011, I met my partner Helen, 35, at a cricket match. I was initially apprehensive about introducing them and did so gradually, through park visits and ice cream trips.

It was a slow process, but they now share a wonderful relationship, and Helen has moved in with us. Watching Max grow into his own person brings me joy.

While I'm quite sporty, he's more interested in comic superheroes and trips to Legoland.

We love riding our bikes together on weekends though. Max is a very happy child and I hope I'm doing Sam proud in bringing him up.

To order Parenting With Balls by Ian Newbold (New Holland Publishers, $17.99), please send a check or money order made payable to Express Bookshop to Newbold Offer, PO Box 200, Falmouth TR11 4WJ or call 0871 988 8367 or go online at www.expressbookshop.com. Delivery within the US is free. Calls cost 10 cents per minute.